I sat down to write more today.
My toes are cold.
This, in fact, makes it difficult to be witty and creative.
I realize other people might, oh, I don't know-- put slippers on or socks...
I'm sitting here in shorts and a tank top because I planned on a nice workout on the Wii, but my son took over and kept beating me -- not much of a work out but I'm too lazy to get up on put on clothes... or slippers.
Now, I can't remember what I was going to eat.
Hahahahaha
I just wrote eat ... I meant to write "write".
Yep -- I'm tired... and as I mentioned cold.
It's supposed to warm tomorrow.
Maybe I'll write more then.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Winds a blowin'
Holy cow it's cold out there.
It's a typical Southern Idaho late winter day. The wind is howling. It's cold. There's not enough snow left to be pretty, which in my mind makes the cold easier to deal with.
I had planned on cleaning the garage today. But that just sounds painfully chilly.
It's Friday, my favorite day of the week. I don't think I should have to do anything that makes me cold today. Unless it's fun -- like drinkin' beer or eating ice cream.
My oldest daughter is going to a school dance today. Not at her current school, at her old one. Some friends invited her. I'm so thankful. But my stomach hurts.
School dances, particularly the middle school variety can be so very odd and upsetting. I'm assuming she'll have a great time as she has good friends there. But I worry so much about the mean kids that might break her heart.
I keep trying to remind myself that just because I had some bad experiences in my growing up years, she may not have the same heartbreak. Even if she does, it is a normal part of growing up. She'll be fine. I can't believe my little girl is old enough to go to a middle school dance.
At her current school though I have an issue with the Bible teacher and I'm not sure how to handle it. My instinct is to go all "Karmanator" on him. I've been trying so hard to be a grown up and be all rational and stuff, but man this guy makes my head spin around.
This incident didn't happen in my daughter's class, so I've been trying to let it go.
I got an e-mail from the teacher on Wednesday -- one he sent to all the parents about the book The Shack.
"In Bible classes today we discussed the book "The Shack" and I told the students that I have a problem with the book because of some of the underlying concepts presented. However, some of the students indicated to me that people they know have read the book and said it was great. Let me say that there was a time when I couldn't wait to read The Shack, until I found out some of the concerns I am now sharing with all of you. If you have read The Shack or plan to, I would encourage you to check out one or both of the following links. The first is a review of the book from a guy who knows the author. The review discusses some of the problems with the book. The second link is an interview with the author in which some very concerning statements are made.
http://www.wretchedradio.com/pdf/review_shack.pdf
http://www.archive.org/download/carmmedia/shack.mp"
Now, let me get this straight. Some how this "teacher" saw fit to have a discussion about a book he has not read.
Furthermore, the book is fictional. It says right on it. "Fiction". Fiction, means it's not true. It's not meant to be true...or factual... it's meant to be make believe.
The reviews the teacher posted are of interest. One is a point by point critique of the book by someone who claims to be friends with the author. Indeed there are some theological issues in the book that the average theologian might have reason to question except that that book is FICTION. It's all made up.
The whole point of fiction is to tell a story. It's not a true story because again, it's FICTION. So I fail to understand why it warrants an academic review because it's FICTION. If you don't agree with the theology, then you have the ability to not read it again.
The other alleged interview with the author is clearly edited and manipulated. Credible? I doubt it.
So this "teacher" is claiming the book and it's author are dangerous. He's never read the book, but because of these reviews he doesn't want to read the book, yet it makes perfect sense to discuss it in a BIBLE class.
It does not make sense to me. First, I think teachers should actually read the book they're discussing in class. Second, I think the book should actually be relevant to what they're discussing in class. Color me unreasonable.
If the kids are having an intellectual discussion about the theology of a work of fiction it seems to me that everybody should have read the book in particular the teacher.
Further, the apparently main problem with the book is that universalist approach -- as in there is more than one way to God. God, in the book, is initially presented as a woman. (Curses!) The author does so with intention and explains his reasoning when the book concludes. The main character in the book has turned away from God and is in fact angry with God. By the end of the book he's resting in the unconditional love and joy God can bring. Now tell me, isn't that the point of the entire BIBLE??? Isn't the Bible all about God's unconditional love? If the main character comes to know God in the end, why is it a bad thing??? Because he came to God in an usual way rather than oh I don't know -- being the victim of some evangelistic ambush in the local mall?
Further, the book has caused millions of people to look at their own spiritual life and ask more questions about their own faith. In many cases, this work of fiction has brought them closer to God in a very real way. This is apparently a bad thing?
Back on the academic side, the reviewer the Bible teacher link to keeps referring to the author as Paul. Yet, on the authors own web - site he refers to himself as Willie. Makes ya wonder who is really the author's friend.
I don't think it's too much to ask of a teacher to a)read the book he's discussing in class -- and b) make sure the sources he quotes are legitimate.
Perhaps I'm wrong.
I'm trying to figure out the grown up thing to do here. I really want to go into this man's class room and through a hissy fit, but I'm guessing it won't go anywhere with this guy. I'm thinking I'll write a nice calm letter to the principal and the teacher and thoughtfully explain my concerns.
As a writer, it makes my heart hurt when people don't read a book because they think it's filled with something it's not. It's labeled as a work of fiction -- as such can be used as a discussion starter, but not as a matter or record of fact. To confuse the two does a disservice to writers -- and most importantly the readers who won't take the time to open a work of art.
Well, that's enough of my soap box for the day.
It's a typical Southern Idaho late winter day. The wind is howling. It's cold. There's not enough snow left to be pretty, which in my mind makes the cold easier to deal with.
I had planned on cleaning the garage today. But that just sounds painfully chilly.
It's Friday, my favorite day of the week. I don't think I should have to do anything that makes me cold today. Unless it's fun -- like drinkin' beer or eating ice cream.
My oldest daughter is going to a school dance today. Not at her current school, at her old one. Some friends invited her. I'm so thankful. But my stomach hurts.
School dances, particularly the middle school variety can be so very odd and upsetting. I'm assuming she'll have a great time as she has good friends there. But I worry so much about the mean kids that might break her heart.
I keep trying to remind myself that just because I had some bad experiences in my growing up years, she may not have the same heartbreak. Even if she does, it is a normal part of growing up. She'll be fine. I can't believe my little girl is old enough to go to a middle school dance.
At her current school though I have an issue with the Bible teacher and I'm not sure how to handle it. My instinct is to go all "Karmanator" on him. I've been trying so hard to be a grown up and be all rational and stuff, but man this guy makes my head spin around.
This incident didn't happen in my daughter's class, so I've been trying to let it go.
I got an e-mail from the teacher on Wednesday -- one he sent to all the parents about the book The Shack.
"In Bible classes today we discussed the book "The Shack" and I told the students that I have a problem with the book because of some of the underlying concepts presented. However, some of the students indicated to me that people they know have read the book and said it was great. Let me say that there was a time when I couldn't wait to read The Shack, until I found out some of the concerns I am now sharing with all of you. If you have read The Shack or plan to, I would encourage you to check out one or both of the following links. The first is a review of the book from a guy who knows the author. The review discusses some of the problems with the book. The second link is an interview with the author in which some very concerning statements are made.
http://www.wretchedradio.com/pdf/review_shack.pdf
http://www.archive.org/download/carmmedia/shack.mp"
Now, let me get this straight. Some how this "teacher" saw fit to have a discussion about a book he has not read.
Furthermore, the book is fictional. It says right on it. "Fiction". Fiction, means it's not true. It's not meant to be true...or factual... it's meant to be make believe.
The reviews the teacher posted are of interest. One is a point by point critique of the book by someone who claims to be friends with the author. Indeed there are some theological issues in the book that the average theologian might have reason to question except that that book is FICTION. It's all made up.
The whole point of fiction is to tell a story. It's not a true story because again, it's FICTION. So I fail to understand why it warrants an academic review because it's FICTION. If you don't agree with the theology, then you have the ability to not read it again.
The other alleged interview with the author is clearly edited and manipulated. Credible? I doubt it.
So this "teacher" is claiming the book and it's author are dangerous. He's never read the book, but because of these reviews he doesn't want to read the book, yet it makes perfect sense to discuss it in a BIBLE class.
It does not make sense to me. First, I think teachers should actually read the book they're discussing in class. Second, I think the book should actually be relevant to what they're discussing in class. Color me unreasonable.
If the kids are having an intellectual discussion about the theology of a work of fiction it seems to me that everybody should have read the book in particular the teacher.
Further, the apparently main problem with the book is that universalist approach -- as in there is more than one way to God. God, in the book, is initially presented as a woman. (Curses!) The author does so with intention and explains his reasoning when the book concludes. The main character in the book has turned away from God and is in fact angry with God. By the end of the book he's resting in the unconditional love and joy God can bring. Now tell me, isn't that the point of the entire BIBLE??? Isn't the Bible all about God's unconditional love? If the main character comes to know God in the end, why is it a bad thing??? Because he came to God in an usual way rather than oh I don't know -- being the victim of some evangelistic ambush in the local mall?
Further, the book has caused millions of people to look at their own spiritual life and ask more questions about their own faith. In many cases, this work of fiction has brought them closer to God in a very real way. This is apparently a bad thing?
Back on the academic side, the reviewer the Bible teacher link to keeps referring to the author as Paul. Yet, on the authors own web - site he refers to himself as Willie. Makes ya wonder who is really the author's friend.
I don't think it's too much to ask of a teacher to a)read the book he's discussing in class -- and b) make sure the sources he quotes are legitimate.
Perhaps I'm wrong.
I'm trying to figure out the grown up thing to do here. I really want to go into this man's class room and through a hissy fit, but I'm guessing it won't go anywhere with this guy. I'm thinking I'll write a nice calm letter to the principal and the teacher and thoughtfully explain my concerns.
As a writer, it makes my heart hurt when people don't read a book because they think it's filled with something it's not. It's labeled as a work of fiction -- as such can be used as a discussion starter, but not as a matter or record of fact. To confuse the two does a disservice to writers -- and most importantly the readers who won't take the time to open a work of art.
Well, that's enough of my soap box for the day.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Burdens lifted and getting in the groove
I am getting used to this lack of Facebook, but I don't like it. I really miss my friends. I really miss having easy access to so many of them to ask questions or chat or whatever.
Today has been a pretty productive day and, in general, a good weekend. Yesterday, I got the sewing room cleaned out so I just have to deep clean there. It's the one room I manage to get cleaned most consistently. I have a huge quilt to get done in time for a May graduation, plus I need to build some cushions for a camper... (that's a long story. I'll save it for later) So, I needed this room cleaned up. Plus my niece came over to work on a sewing project with my sister. And, my sister loaned me a serger so I could make some pot holders for the school kitchen and practice with the serger. Pretty cool.
So today I got the living room cleaned up -- not a small task, since we had dumped a bunch of unmatched socks in the middle of the living room. To give you some example of what a mess this was, let me point out we found 78 pairs of socks. I dumped half a garbage can full of unmatched socks. I hate throwing out the socks, but there is obviously no reason to keep them, they're just taking up space.
I finished paying bills. And actually remember to put a few things in the mail. I'm notorious for writing out checks or filling out forms and sticking them in my purse without actually mailing them.
I worked out a little bit. I opened the Jillian Michaels game for the Wii. I bought several months ago on a clearance sale. I'm not sure why. I don't actually even like Jillian Michaels. It sucked. I'm getting rid of it. I played with Wii Fit for a while and now hurt... a lot.
Then, a friend who had moved away last year stopped in for a visit. That involved visiting while I drove down to Jerome to quickly inventory some groceries in the school lunchroom, pick up katy and come home.
I fixed a quick dinner and then we had to dash off for a wrestling practice. Cj got kicked in the teeth -- an accident. Dropped the car pool kids off.
Now I'm home.
I can honestly say I wouldn't have gotten that much done if I had gotten lost on Facebook.
In other excellent news, there was only one person I've ever unfriended on Facebook. Just over a year ago, she accused me of something. I said stupid stuff and the friendship ended. This was difficult as we have lots of mutual friends and our kids are friends.
But we're both pretty stubborn...
I saw her at a school function last week and she didn't frown at me or anything. It seemed nicer than it had been. I wanted to talk to her, but I figured she wouldn't talk to me.
Then, Saturday, I got a text from her asking for forgiveness.
Wow.
I had missed our friendship, but she had hurt me a lot -- and I suppose I hurt her too.
I felt like a huge rock had been lifted off my heart.
And I felt really lucky that she valued my friendship enough to try to make things better.
In the same way it felt good to get a room clean up and and remove the clutter, it felt good to have this personal clutter removed from my heart. I had to apologize for my stupid mouth and own up to what had happened in our friendship.
A nice way to celebrate Lent, I think.
And when I'm back on Facebook... I'll "friend her again".
Today has been a pretty productive day and, in general, a good weekend. Yesterday, I got the sewing room cleaned out so I just have to deep clean there. It's the one room I manage to get cleaned most consistently. I have a huge quilt to get done in time for a May graduation, plus I need to build some cushions for a camper... (that's a long story. I'll save it for later) So, I needed this room cleaned up. Plus my niece came over to work on a sewing project with my sister. And, my sister loaned me a serger so I could make some pot holders for the school kitchen and practice with the serger. Pretty cool.
So today I got the living room cleaned up -- not a small task, since we had dumped a bunch of unmatched socks in the middle of the living room. To give you some example of what a mess this was, let me point out we found 78 pairs of socks. I dumped half a garbage can full of unmatched socks. I hate throwing out the socks, but there is obviously no reason to keep them, they're just taking up space.
I finished paying bills. And actually remember to put a few things in the mail. I'm notorious for writing out checks or filling out forms and sticking them in my purse without actually mailing them.
I worked out a little bit. I opened the Jillian Michaels game for the Wii. I bought several months ago on a clearance sale. I'm not sure why. I don't actually even like Jillian Michaels. It sucked. I'm getting rid of it. I played with Wii Fit for a while and now hurt... a lot.
Then, a friend who had moved away last year stopped in for a visit. That involved visiting while I drove down to Jerome to quickly inventory some groceries in the school lunchroom, pick up katy and come home.
I fixed a quick dinner and then we had to dash off for a wrestling practice. Cj got kicked in the teeth -- an accident. Dropped the car pool kids off.
Now I'm home.
I can honestly say I wouldn't have gotten that much done if I had gotten lost on Facebook.
In other excellent news, there was only one person I've ever unfriended on Facebook. Just over a year ago, she accused me of something. I said stupid stuff and the friendship ended. This was difficult as we have lots of mutual friends and our kids are friends.
But we're both pretty stubborn...
I saw her at a school function last week and she didn't frown at me or anything. It seemed nicer than it had been. I wanted to talk to her, but I figured she wouldn't talk to me.
Then, Saturday, I got a text from her asking for forgiveness.
Wow.
I had missed our friendship, but she had hurt me a lot -- and I suppose I hurt her too.
I felt like a huge rock had been lifted off my heart.
And I felt really lucky that she valued my friendship enough to try to make things better.
In the same way it felt good to get a room clean up and and remove the clutter, it felt good to have this personal clutter removed from my heart. I had to apologize for my stupid mouth and own up to what had happened in our friendship.
A nice way to celebrate Lent, I think.
And when I'm back on Facebook... I'll "friend her again".
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day three
It's a good thing I've been busy.
It makes life without Facebook a lot easier.
The worst times are when I'm waiting or don't have something that needs to be done. It's a great waste of time, Facebook. but on the other hand I really miss my friends. I don't live in a suburban neighborhood. sometimes it feels very isolated. Plus, right now I'm driving a lot, so I'm in the car several hours a day sometimes. The connection to others that my Facebook account provides is really important.
It's starting to feel a little bit like spring. More birds are singing in the morning. Sometimes the sun coming through the window gets uncomfortably warm. And, even more than before, I'm feeling like it's time for new beginnings. It's time to rekindle my housecleaning/clutter removal plans. It's just time for me.
I went shopping today. Not something I do very often. (Facebook, I'll point out is much cheaper) I just picked up a few things -- mostly groceries--but I wasn't in a hurry today, so it was nice.
More importantly, I ignored my long "to do" list and opted for spending time with one of my sisters. While we talk often, I rarely have time alone with just her. We didn't do anything earth shattering. She helped me shop for grocery items for my daughter's school (I'm working on the new hot lunch program) we had a sushi for lunch.
It was face to face contact. Warm. Intimate. Long over due.
I can go all day, sometimes, enjoying great digital conversations, but never really talking to anybody outside my home in person.
Sometimes, it's lonely. At other times, I'll admit, it's a welcome peace.
But the time I can spend with family and friends and not only converse, but exchange glances and observe body language, is valuable time that cannot be replaced.
I had a lovely day. It was relaxing and comfortable.
Sure, my to do list is stretching out by the moment -- but it will be there tomorrow.
Sharing sushi with my sister -- that's a moment I can't replace!
It makes life without Facebook a lot easier.
The worst times are when I'm waiting or don't have something that needs to be done. It's a great waste of time, Facebook. but on the other hand I really miss my friends. I don't live in a suburban neighborhood. sometimes it feels very isolated. Plus, right now I'm driving a lot, so I'm in the car several hours a day sometimes. The connection to others that my Facebook account provides is really important.
It's starting to feel a little bit like spring. More birds are singing in the morning. Sometimes the sun coming through the window gets uncomfortably warm. And, even more than before, I'm feeling like it's time for new beginnings. It's time to rekindle my housecleaning/clutter removal plans. It's just time for me.
I went shopping today. Not something I do very often. (Facebook, I'll point out is much cheaper) I just picked up a few things -- mostly groceries--but I wasn't in a hurry today, so it was nice.
More importantly, I ignored my long "to do" list and opted for spending time with one of my sisters. While we talk often, I rarely have time alone with just her. We didn't do anything earth shattering. She helped me shop for grocery items for my daughter's school (I'm working on the new hot lunch program) we had a sushi for lunch.
It was face to face contact. Warm. Intimate. Long over due.
I can go all day, sometimes, enjoying great digital conversations, but never really talking to anybody outside my home in person.
Sometimes, it's lonely. At other times, I'll admit, it's a welcome peace.
But the time I can spend with family and friends and not only converse, but exchange glances and observe body language, is valuable time that cannot be replaced.
I had a lovely day. It was relaxing and comfortable.
Sure, my to do list is stretching out by the moment -- but it will be there tomorrow.
Sharing sushi with my sister -- that's a moment I can't replace!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
for the record
Damn! It's nearly midnight and I've managed to get about 30 minutes sleep and now I, for no apparent reason am WIDE AWAKE.
For the record, I can totally live without Mariah Carey. She scares me.
So watching tv in hopes it will lull me to sleep is not, in fact, working,because NBC apparently has contracted with Mariah to sing some dumb ass song for the Olympics.
Really?
Makes me sick to my stomach.
Elvis Costello seems to be on Sundance.
NBC apparently didn't have his number. If they did, clearly, there would intelligent music available during my Olympic coverage.
People who luge are a little crazy. Elvis Costello could write a bitchin' song for them.
I'm just sayin'.
For the record, I can totally live without Mariah Carey. She scares me.
So watching tv in hopes it will lull me to sleep is not, in fact, working,because NBC apparently has contracted with Mariah to sing some dumb ass song for the Olympics.
Really?
Makes me sick to my stomach.
Elvis Costello seems to be on Sundance.
NBC apparently didn't have his number. If they did, clearly, there would intelligent music available during my Olympic coverage.
People who luge are a little crazy. Elvis Costello could write a bitchin' song for them.
I'm just sayin'.
Conclusion, Day One
I'm soooo tired.
This fasting without Facebook thing 'aint for sissys... I'll tell ya what!
I'm allowed one full meal for the day. I finally ate at 7. Now I'm way too full -- as usual I took it one step too far. However, the day has been a good one, although busy.
My oldest daughter's school -- a private, Christian school about 30 minutes south of here -- has not had a hot lunch program.
About two weeks I accepted the challenge of trying to get a lunch program started. It now appears we'll be able to offer a hot lunch as of March 1. But it's been a lot of work and research, well worth my time, mind you, but it's a lot of work.
My husband left for vacation so there were the last minute preparations for the take off.
I also took six kids to Ash Wednesday mass and out to lunch this afternoon. So I was on the road a lot.
About 2 p.m. I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup. I looked down at my hands and saw my hands shaking unusually bad so felt it was best to eat a little something. Then I cam home and the kids had made cupcakes.. red velvet...one of my favorites... so the fasting quickly went out the window.
I really miss Facebook. I have questions for friends on facebook and will now have break down and actually call them on the phone or actually, get this, talk to them in person.
The convenience of taking care of something at the moment I think about it is something I've apparently been taking for granted.
I'm truly hooked on the show Faces of America, the latest PBS series. I'm off now to watch it and catch up on some rest. I'll check in tomorrow.
This fasting without Facebook thing 'aint for sissys... I'll tell ya what!
I'm allowed one full meal for the day. I finally ate at 7. Now I'm way too full -- as usual I took it one step too far. However, the day has been a good one, although busy.
My oldest daughter's school -- a private, Christian school about 30 minutes south of here -- has not had a hot lunch program.
About two weeks I accepted the challenge of trying to get a lunch program started. It now appears we'll be able to offer a hot lunch as of March 1. But it's been a lot of work and research, well worth my time, mind you, but it's a lot of work.
My husband left for vacation so there were the last minute preparations for the take off.
I also took six kids to Ash Wednesday mass and out to lunch this afternoon. So I was on the road a lot.
About 2 p.m. I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup. I looked down at my hands and saw my hands shaking unusually bad so felt it was best to eat a little something. Then I cam home and the kids had made cupcakes.. red velvet...one of my favorites... so the fasting quickly went out the window.
I really miss Facebook. I have questions for friends on facebook and will now have break down and actually call them on the phone or actually, get this, talk to them in person.
The convenience of taking care of something at the moment I think about it is something I've apparently been taking for granted.
I'm truly hooked on the show Faces of America, the latest PBS series. I'm off now to watch it and catch up on some rest. I'll check in tomorrow.
The 10 a.m. Ash Wednesday update
Clearly, this is going to be harder than I thought.
It's 10 a.m.
My mind keeps returning to my beloved Facebook. I've thought of at least 10 witty posts.
Five questions to ask Facebook friends.
You know it's an issue when you're frustrated you can't e-mail the manager of the local Subway chain to request a lunch order.
The answer is remarkable simple. You call the store and place the order over the phone.
Who knew?
As for the fasting. On days that are not Ash Wednesday I can make it 'till 11 or noon with little to nothing in my stomach.
I'm sure at 10 a.m. I will never make to 10:05 without giving in and raiding the fridge.
The other things I've noticed is that e-mail is suddenly far more interesting.
Usually, in my Facebook life, I quickly read over e-mail and rarely read jokes or "forwards". Not today.
I've read two rather fun, but long forwards.
I've analyzed each e-mail careful not to miss a thing.
Web sites I never had time to peruse before are magically very interesting. I caught myself surfing Hulu.com today. I've always wanted to check it out, but never taken the time.
This morning, it was ok.
This addiction is ridiculous.
More later....
It's 10 a.m.
My mind keeps returning to my beloved Facebook. I've thought of at least 10 witty posts.
Five questions to ask Facebook friends.
You know it's an issue when you're frustrated you can't e-mail the manager of the local Subway chain to request a lunch order.
The answer is remarkable simple. You call the store and place the order over the phone.
Who knew?
As for the fasting. On days that are not Ash Wednesday I can make it 'till 11 or noon with little to nothing in my stomach.
I'm sure at 10 a.m. I will never make to 10:05 without giving in and raiding the fridge.
The other things I've noticed is that e-mail is suddenly far more interesting.
Usually, in my Facebook life, I quickly read over e-mail and rarely read jokes or "forwards". Not today.
I've read two rather fun, but long forwards.
I've analyzed each e-mail careful not to miss a thing.
Web sites I never had time to peruse before are magically very interesting. I caught myself surfing Hulu.com today. I've always wanted to check it out, but never taken the time.
This morning, it was ok.
This addiction is ridiculous.
More later....
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
And so, it begins
It's "Fat Tuesday". I've indulged in lots of red meat today and a handful of chocolate chip cookies. I feel good.
Tomorrow is a fasting day, so I'll only get one full meal.
I used to dread fasting days and rarely did them. When you're obsessed with food a day of fasting is torture. Since I conquered that battle, a day of fasting isn't a big deal. In fact it's pretty cleansing.
I'm determined to "do" Lent this year. Again, I rarely practice this aspect of my Catholicism. Typically, I have great intentions, but by 10 a.m. the morning of Ash Wednesday, I have forgotten. Certainly by the first Friday of Lent I've ordered a juicy hamburger -- totally spacing an obligation to abstain.
The other tenant of the Lenten season is to "give something up" or "do something extra".
I've opted to give up Facebook. For those of you who know me well, you understand this is no small sacrifice. I love Facebook. It has allowed me to reconnect with old friends. Those friends provide me an electronic support system and safety barrier.
The problem is I get lost in Facebook. I spend hours chatting with friends, playing games, reading others updates. That is time I don't spend doing things like paying bills, managing our household spending time in real life with friends and family.
It's gotten to the point that my children say things like, "You're on Facebook again?!"
It comes to my phone. I check several times an hour for posts and messages.
The other day my 82-year-old father pointed out I hadn't spoken to him in a month. This is a huge problem. I had taken for granted that he and other members of my family already know what's going on in my life because I post so much on Facebook. My father does not check Facebook. He doesn't own a computer. The hours I spend on Facebook could very easily be spent with him and other people in my family and life who deserve face - to - face contact.
It also occurred to me I never write cards and letters anymore, short of the occasional thank you note. I cherish my letters and cards from my family and friends in the days before electronic communication. Will my children cherish my emails or Facebook posts? I doubt it.
So while I am not on Facebook I plan on writing a minimum of one letter or card per week and put an actual stamp on it and actually put it in the mail.
I'm going to chronicle the Facebook-less life here.
I expect to have more time to post.
I will, however, point out that I turned off my e-mail notifications from Facebook about 2-hours ago.
It's making me crazy....
Tomorrow is a fasting day, so I'll only get one full meal.
I used to dread fasting days and rarely did them. When you're obsessed with food a day of fasting is torture. Since I conquered that battle, a day of fasting isn't a big deal. In fact it's pretty cleansing.
I'm determined to "do" Lent this year. Again, I rarely practice this aspect of my Catholicism. Typically, I have great intentions, but by 10 a.m. the morning of Ash Wednesday, I have forgotten. Certainly by the first Friday of Lent I've ordered a juicy hamburger -- totally spacing an obligation to abstain.
The other tenant of the Lenten season is to "give something up" or "do something extra".
I've opted to give up Facebook. For those of you who know me well, you understand this is no small sacrifice. I love Facebook. It has allowed me to reconnect with old friends. Those friends provide me an electronic support system and safety barrier.
The problem is I get lost in Facebook. I spend hours chatting with friends, playing games, reading others updates. That is time I don't spend doing things like paying bills, managing our household spending time in real life with friends and family.
It's gotten to the point that my children say things like, "You're on Facebook again?!"
It comes to my phone. I check several times an hour for posts and messages.
The other day my 82-year-old father pointed out I hadn't spoken to him in a month. This is a huge problem. I had taken for granted that he and other members of my family already know what's going on in my life because I post so much on Facebook. My father does not check Facebook. He doesn't own a computer. The hours I spend on Facebook could very easily be spent with him and other people in my family and life who deserve face - to - face contact.
It also occurred to me I never write cards and letters anymore, short of the occasional thank you note. I cherish my letters and cards from my family and friends in the days before electronic communication. Will my children cherish my emails or Facebook posts? I doubt it.
So while I am not on Facebook I plan on writing a minimum of one letter or card per week and put an actual stamp on it and actually put it in the mail.
I'm going to chronicle the Facebook-less life here.
I expect to have more time to post.
I will, however, point out that I turned off my e-mail notifications from Facebook about 2-hours ago.
It's making me crazy....
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Quiet morning
I'm sitting here in the quiet of the morning. Clem is fixing coffee in the kitchen, but it's still dark outside. All kids are tucked away.
I think this has been one of the nicest weeks I can remember in recent history. Not the weather -- just life.
I'm allowing myself to be happy. To count my blessings instead of my frustrations.
The kids are healthy. I am healthy for the most part. We are entirely comfortable and gifted by love and support from family and friends.
But in my usual busy schedule I hadn't really noticed. I am perpetually distracted. "Where are the kids?" "Who has dance or wrestling or practice or piano?" "What's for dinner?" "Is the laundry done?"
But I was sitting in the pick up earlier this week and it hit me. I'm happy.
Not angry, depressed or frustrated. I'm happy.
I'm not worrying about all the things I do wrong and all the things I should be doing. I'm just enjoying what we have and more importantly, who I am with.
Last August, I was planning for a divorce. In fact for the last 3.5 years... maybe the last 5... I have been planning a divorce.
I'm aware I may re-enter that world of worry. But it doesn't feel like it's hanging over my head.This is a huge change and a giant burden lifted.
I had kept it together this long to protect my children. As I write, it seems contrary to common sense. We were in a verbally abusive situation -- it would have made more sense to leave a long time ago. There have been times over the years when I, in fact, should have left. I didn't. It always seemed like pulling them out and away from everything they knew and loved would traumatize them more. In my head, I knew that leaving their dad would be a temporary fix. They'd have to spend time with him unsupervised -- and if he had an episode of verbal bashing -- there would be no one there to speak out against it.
So I never left. I talked about it. I planned it. I cried. I threatened. I retreated. I withdrew. I buried myself in an eating disorder. I clawed my way out of it.
In a series of events -- which oddly enough -- seem to always happen to in October I finally put a stop to what was happening.
A year ago last October, after being screamed at for years and for everything, I finally said, "Get help". I spent one night away from home and two months sleeping in another room. He went to counseling and to the doctor.
Turns out he had 3 metabolic issues working against him -- all of which individually are known to cause mood swings. He had all three causing him to be a screaming tyrant.
He got help. I never would have guessed he'd do that.
For the last year, I've been sort of stumbling through our lives. Stunned he was, after more than a decade, doing and trying all the things I'd been asking for... and it wasn't simply him...it was medical. I had no idea. I had thought he was having diabetic rages. When he finally got the diagnosis the situation didn't get better as I had hoped. It got worse. Diabetes was only one of the three. He had a hormone imbalance I wouldn't have even thought to check, but his doctor caught.. god bless that woman. He has too much iron in his system. The three issues worked together to cause him to be a raging monster in one moment and a gentle giant in the next.
After a year of spending countless hours in medical offices, research and worry, it seems the changes in him are permanent.
I don't have to walk on egg shells. He has moments of anger ... but don't we all?
So a year ago I told him to get help. This last October, I had to look myself in the mirror and decide what I really wanted.
I did that. I had to admit that the anger I was packing around was making me sick, driving my children crazy and hurting my husband's efforts to heal.
I had to let go. I had to stop holding all that anger in and and tell him how I feel. I had to appreciate what I have and stand up for what needed changed.
However, I also met with a divorce attorney. We went over my risks and potential outcomes. Then, I put divorce away. I knew I wouldn't want to make any major decision until after the holiday season. If was going to make any major changes in my life it wouldn't happen until after Feb. 1.
It's after Feb. 1 and I'm sitting in my lovely living room and thinking about how lucky I am to live where I live and enjoy the life we live with someone who cared enough about me to truly change his life.
Our relationship is not perfect, but I don't think it was designed to be. I may be filing for divorce again by August. For now, though, I'm going to enjoy the peace that is currently surrounding my life.
It's long overdue...
I think this has been one of the nicest weeks I can remember in recent history. Not the weather -- just life.
I'm allowing myself to be happy. To count my blessings instead of my frustrations.
The kids are healthy. I am healthy for the most part. We are entirely comfortable and gifted by love and support from family and friends.
But in my usual busy schedule I hadn't really noticed. I am perpetually distracted. "Where are the kids?" "Who has dance or wrestling or practice or piano?" "What's for dinner?" "Is the laundry done?"
But I was sitting in the pick up earlier this week and it hit me. I'm happy.
Not angry, depressed or frustrated. I'm happy.
I'm not worrying about all the things I do wrong and all the things I should be doing. I'm just enjoying what we have and more importantly, who I am with.
Last August, I was planning for a divorce. In fact for the last 3.5 years... maybe the last 5... I have been planning a divorce.
I'm aware I may re-enter that world of worry. But it doesn't feel like it's hanging over my head.This is a huge change and a giant burden lifted.
I had kept it together this long to protect my children. As I write, it seems contrary to common sense. We were in a verbally abusive situation -- it would have made more sense to leave a long time ago. There have been times over the years when I, in fact, should have left. I didn't. It always seemed like pulling them out and away from everything they knew and loved would traumatize them more. In my head, I knew that leaving their dad would be a temporary fix. They'd have to spend time with him unsupervised -- and if he had an episode of verbal bashing -- there would be no one there to speak out against it.
So I never left. I talked about it. I planned it. I cried. I threatened. I retreated. I withdrew. I buried myself in an eating disorder. I clawed my way out of it.
In a series of events -- which oddly enough -- seem to always happen to in October I finally put a stop to what was happening.
A year ago last October, after being screamed at for years and for everything, I finally said, "Get help". I spent one night away from home and two months sleeping in another room. He went to counseling and to the doctor.
Turns out he had 3 metabolic issues working against him -- all of which individually are known to cause mood swings. He had all three causing him to be a screaming tyrant.
He got help. I never would have guessed he'd do that.
For the last year, I've been sort of stumbling through our lives. Stunned he was, after more than a decade, doing and trying all the things I'd been asking for... and it wasn't simply him...it was medical. I had no idea. I had thought he was having diabetic rages. When he finally got the diagnosis the situation didn't get better as I had hoped. It got worse. Diabetes was only one of the three. He had a hormone imbalance I wouldn't have even thought to check, but his doctor caught.. god bless that woman. He has too much iron in his system. The three issues worked together to cause him to be a raging monster in one moment and a gentle giant in the next.
After a year of spending countless hours in medical offices, research and worry, it seems the changes in him are permanent.
I don't have to walk on egg shells. He has moments of anger ... but don't we all?
So a year ago I told him to get help. This last October, I had to look myself in the mirror and decide what I really wanted.
I did that. I had to admit that the anger I was packing around was making me sick, driving my children crazy and hurting my husband's efforts to heal.
I had to let go. I had to stop holding all that anger in and and tell him how I feel. I had to appreciate what I have and stand up for what needed changed.
However, I also met with a divorce attorney. We went over my risks and potential outcomes. Then, I put divorce away. I knew I wouldn't want to make any major decision until after the holiday season. If was going to make any major changes in my life it wouldn't happen until after Feb. 1.
It's after Feb. 1 and I'm sitting in my lovely living room and thinking about how lucky I am to live where I live and enjoy the life we live with someone who cared enough about me to truly change his life.
Our relationship is not perfect, but I don't think it was designed to be. I may be filing for divorce again by August. For now, though, I'm going to enjoy the peace that is currently surrounding my life.
It's long overdue...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Cooking comfort
This is a post I actually wrote several weeks ago -- but was having Internet problems -- and never posted it. I kinda like it though -- so figured I'd post it now...
Tuesday: What I did for myself today.
I LOVE cookbooks. I crave cookbooks. I probably read just as many cookbooks as I do novels. I have a good sized bookshelf in my kitchen stuffed to overflowing with cookbooks…and I have more in storage.
It had gotten to the point that I couldn’t fit anymore cookbooks in, nor could I find what was there. It was making me crazy. One Tuesday morning a couple of weeks ago, I cleaned out the bookshelf. I gave away a large -- ok, huge—box of books. I got rid of the ones I hadn’t used in a while. Rid of the ones I liked, but didn’t LOVE. I got rid of duplications. As I’ve been going through all this extra stuff I’ve used this question as a guide: “Will it bless someone else’s life more than mine?”
I used it when I cleaned out my closet, resulting in 3, 30-gallon trash bags full of clothes and shoes. I gave it to a dear friend who does a tremendous amount of work for the community – but does little for herself. I suspected she might keep some of the clothes, but wondered if she might give the clothes away to a family in need – possibly a new collection of immigrants. To my delight she kept the clothes herself. Each day, she has worn a brand new outfit and has had a great grin upon her face. Her smile tells me the clothes bless her far more than they blessed me.
As for the cookbooks, I have a friend who spends most of her summer and a good part of the winter cooking at 4-H camp. Several of the books contained recipes for “mega cooking” or “cook once-eat-for-month”. They contained the ingredients calculated out for up to 25 servings in some cases. I knew these were books she would enjoy and could use. Further, she just took in three children for whom their mother, a relative, could no long provide. A collection of family friendly meals in a dozen or more cookbooks might come in handy, I thought. When I spoke with her Thursday evening, she said she’d taken quite a few, but left plenty for a young friend, newly married and setting up her own home.
I unearthed a couple of treasures – cookbooks I’d forgotten I had, recipe cards containing my mother’s and grandmother’s handwriting … and a cookbook from my mother’s church.
She went to this church off and on throughout the 30 years we lived in Boise. The congregation was always kind and one pastor had presided there throughout our membership. In 1983, my sophomore year of high school, the mother’s club at Red Rock Christian Church published a cookbook. My mom likely bought the comb-bound, photocopied collection of recipes to support the church. She too was a cookbook collector. I can see her sitting on the couch flipping through each page, thinking about what she might cook. I do not remember a recipe she particularly liked. It doesn’t look like she used the book much at all. I was 16 in 1983 and far too wrapped up in my own world to have noticed.
All I really remember is that she loved the people at Red Rock, appreciated the pastor and spoke fondly of her visits there – although they were infrequent.
When my mother moved into an assisted living facility, I cleaned out her cookbook collection keeping a few pieces, but mostly through the rest haphazardly into the “goodwill” pile. I grabbed this one and started to toss it, but on second thought tucked into the “keep” pile. I don’t even remember sticking into my own shelf.
Flipping through the pages, I was touched by care with which it was produced. Amused by the pre-computer production values. Warmed by the poems and helpful hints tucked in between the recipes.
I can always tell when I’m on the path God, or the Universe (insert your own deity) has designed for me because doors open, ideas flow and opportunities abound. On this very Tuesday I was deep in thought about two things; writing my own cookbook and discerning my own spirituality.
I love to cook. I love history, especially the history of the small town and large rural county in which I live. I have long wanted to write a heritage cookbook containing not only the recipes but the stories behind the recipes. I’ve started it often and gotten sidetracked. (A common occurrence in my life.) The local historical society has plans to open a new museum in 2011 or so and the timing seems good to actually start and finish the project. I am afraid of getting sidetracked, afraid of spending a lot of time and energy on the project only to have a bunch of books that don’t sell…terrified I’ll be in over my head all the way around. I know this is a good project. I just have to create a plan to get it done without overwhelming myself.
I have often wished in my adult life there was a Red Rock Christian – like church near me. There is, simply, not. I have never found a place where I felt as comfortable as I did there. The possible exception is the local Catholic Church. I converted to Catholicism about 12 years ago and enjoy it with little hesitation.
My oldest daughter recently started attending a Christian school about 25 miles south of our home. Several of the teachers are active evangelists and in our short stay at the school, my daughter as already been exposed to videos and other lessons about evangelizing to others. I’m not a huge fan of this practice and it’s made me uncomfortable. I don’t think it’s appropriate in an academic setting, first of all and I don’t find the judgment of others very Christian-like. I really love the song lyric that says, “they’ll know we are Christians by our love”. I think there is more than one way to God and that it’s not our place to judge the path other’s choose, but to love them for who and what they are. If another religion blesses someone’s heart and fills their needs, regardless of my opinion of that particular faith, then there is no reason to question or criticize how they found that peace. A far better method of evangelism, I think, is leading by example.
I knew when we enrolled her in the school, there would be challenges to my philosophy – and that I would be in the minority. But what this situation has truly highlighted is that I do not practice my own religious beliefs nearly enough. I rarely attend church. I no longer actively read the Bible or research my own questions about the Church or my own belief system. How can I honestly look at the teacher’s at my daughter’s school and question how they practice their faith, when I do not practice my own?
Finding this cookbook and allowing my thoughts to return to the Christian kindness I felt at Red Rock was like a bit of Divine intervention…a reminder that practicing what I preach is part of a recipe for Christian living.
If I am truly to live the example I expect others to live, I need to write because that is what I do. I need to write the heritage cookbook because it’s a project that would bless my home and the homes of others.
Becoming more active within my church, but more importantly, in my faith would bless my heart – and offer continuing faith enrichment to my children – in much the same way my mother taking me to church at Red Rock Christian has continued to bless me.
What am I listening to: Today NPR. I needed some intelligent conversation, even if I wasn’t an active participant.
What inspired me today: This passage, which I have seen before, but not thought of in years…found in the Red Rock Cookbook
TAKE TIME
Take time to think...it is the source of power
Take Time to play…it is the secret of perpetual youth
Take time to read… it is the fountain of wisdom
Take time to pray ... it is the greatest power on earth
Take time to love and be loved…it is a God – given privilege
Take time to be friendly … it is the road to happiness
Take time to laugh… it is the music of the soul
Take time to give … it is too short a day to be selfish
Take time to work… it is the price of success
Take time to do charity …it is the key to heaven
Tuesday: What I did for myself today.
I LOVE cookbooks. I crave cookbooks. I probably read just as many cookbooks as I do novels. I have a good sized bookshelf in my kitchen stuffed to overflowing with cookbooks…and I have more in storage.
It had gotten to the point that I couldn’t fit anymore cookbooks in, nor could I find what was there. It was making me crazy. One Tuesday morning a couple of weeks ago, I cleaned out the bookshelf. I gave away a large -- ok, huge—box of books. I got rid of the ones I hadn’t used in a while. Rid of the ones I liked, but didn’t LOVE. I got rid of duplications. As I’ve been going through all this extra stuff I’ve used this question as a guide: “Will it bless someone else’s life more than mine?”
I used it when I cleaned out my closet, resulting in 3, 30-gallon trash bags full of clothes and shoes. I gave it to a dear friend who does a tremendous amount of work for the community – but does little for herself. I suspected she might keep some of the clothes, but wondered if she might give the clothes away to a family in need – possibly a new collection of immigrants. To my delight she kept the clothes herself. Each day, she has worn a brand new outfit and has had a great grin upon her face. Her smile tells me the clothes bless her far more than they blessed me.
As for the cookbooks, I have a friend who spends most of her summer and a good part of the winter cooking at 4-H camp. Several of the books contained recipes for “mega cooking” or “cook once-eat-for-month”. They contained the ingredients calculated out for up to 25 servings in some cases. I knew these were books she would enjoy and could use. Further, she just took in three children for whom their mother, a relative, could no long provide. A collection of family friendly meals in a dozen or more cookbooks might come in handy, I thought. When I spoke with her Thursday evening, she said she’d taken quite a few, but left plenty for a young friend, newly married and setting up her own home.
I unearthed a couple of treasures – cookbooks I’d forgotten I had, recipe cards containing my mother’s and grandmother’s handwriting … and a cookbook from my mother’s church.
She went to this church off and on throughout the 30 years we lived in Boise. The congregation was always kind and one pastor had presided there throughout our membership. In 1983, my sophomore year of high school, the mother’s club at Red Rock Christian Church published a cookbook. My mom likely bought the comb-bound, photocopied collection of recipes to support the church. She too was a cookbook collector. I can see her sitting on the couch flipping through each page, thinking about what she might cook. I do not remember a recipe she particularly liked. It doesn’t look like she used the book much at all. I was 16 in 1983 and far too wrapped up in my own world to have noticed.
All I really remember is that she loved the people at Red Rock, appreciated the pastor and spoke fondly of her visits there – although they were infrequent.
When my mother moved into an assisted living facility, I cleaned out her cookbook collection keeping a few pieces, but mostly through the rest haphazardly into the “goodwill” pile. I grabbed this one and started to toss it, but on second thought tucked into the “keep” pile. I don’t even remember sticking into my own shelf.
Flipping through the pages, I was touched by care with which it was produced. Amused by the pre-computer production values. Warmed by the poems and helpful hints tucked in between the recipes.
I can always tell when I’m on the path God, or the Universe (insert your own deity) has designed for me because doors open, ideas flow and opportunities abound. On this very Tuesday I was deep in thought about two things; writing my own cookbook and discerning my own spirituality.
I love to cook. I love history, especially the history of the small town and large rural county in which I live. I have long wanted to write a heritage cookbook containing not only the recipes but the stories behind the recipes. I’ve started it often and gotten sidetracked. (A common occurrence in my life.) The local historical society has plans to open a new museum in 2011 or so and the timing seems good to actually start and finish the project. I am afraid of getting sidetracked, afraid of spending a lot of time and energy on the project only to have a bunch of books that don’t sell…terrified I’ll be in over my head all the way around. I know this is a good project. I just have to create a plan to get it done without overwhelming myself.
I have often wished in my adult life there was a Red Rock Christian – like church near me. There is, simply, not. I have never found a place where I felt as comfortable as I did there. The possible exception is the local Catholic Church. I converted to Catholicism about 12 years ago and enjoy it with little hesitation.
My oldest daughter recently started attending a Christian school about 25 miles south of our home. Several of the teachers are active evangelists and in our short stay at the school, my daughter as already been exposed to videos and other lessons about evangelizing to others. I’m not a huge fan of this practice and it’s made me uncomfortable. I don’t think it’s appropriate in an academic setting, first of all and I don’t find the judgment of others very Christian-like. I really love the song lyric that says, “they’ll know we are Christians by our love”. I think there is more than one way to God and that it’s not our place to judge the path other’s choose, but to love them for who and what they are. If another religion blesses someone’s heart and fills their needs, regardless of my opinion of that particular faith, then there is no reason to question or criticize how they found that peace. A far better method of evangelism, I think, is leading by example.
I knew when we enrolled her in the school, there would be challenges to my philosophy – and that I would be in the minority. But what this situation has truly highlighted is that I do not practice my own religious beliefs nearly enough. I rarely attend church. I no longer actively read the Bible or research my own questions about the Church or my own belief system. How can I honestly look at the teacher’s at my daughter’s school and question how they practice their faith, when I do not practice my own?
Finding this cookbook and allowing my thoughts to return to the Christian kindness I felt at Red Rock was like a bit of Divine intervention…a reminder that practicing what I preach is part of a recipe for Christian living.
If I am truly to live the example I expect others to live, I need to write because that is what I do. I need to write the heritage cookbook because it’s a project that would bless my home and the homes of others.
Becoming more active within my church, but more importantly, in my faith would bless my heart – and offer continuing faith enrichment to my children – in much the same way my mother taking me to church at Red Rock Christian has continued to bless me.
What am I listening to: Today NPR. I needed some intelligent conversation, even if I wasn’t an active participant.
What inspired me today: This passage, which I have seen before, but not thought of in years…found in the Red Rock Cookbook
TAKE TIME
Take time to think...it is the source of power
Take Time to play…it is the secret of perpetual youth
Take time to read… it is the fountain of wisdom
Take time to pray ... it is the greatest power on earth
Take time to love and be loved…it is a God – given privilege
Take time to be friendly … it is the road to happiness
Take time to laugh… it is the music of the soul
Take time to give … it is too short a day to be selfish
Take time to work… it is the price of success
Take time to do charity …it is the key to heaven
Monday, February 1, 2010
A new FebYOUary
So it's Feb.1. All in all, I'm think 2010 is off to a good start.
I spent January focusing doing something for me each day. It's been a good experience. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes, it's easy to forget I have needs when I'm so busy taking care of everyone else it seems.
I'm going to continue my "do something for myself" theme for the rest of the year, but I think I need to add a little something to it.
For February, I'm going to be more conscious of honoring myself and my body -- according to my needs -- not the messages from the media, my family and friends or anyone else.
This is something we learn about when going through eating disorder recovery. Truth be told, I'm not sure how much I actually embraced it.
I know, for a fact, I'm really good at denying it.
Example: There is a tape that plays in my head CONSTANTLY -- it's ED -- but I have a hard time deleting this tape. Each winter, it's harder to get out and be physically active -- especially since I've fallen a couple of times this winter and really hurt myself. So I tend to not so much gain weight, but fill out...
I easily allow EDs tape to play. Spending far too much time beating myself up for the plumpness.
So today I let it go. I hit "stop" on that tape player, took out the imaginary tape and jumped up and down on the cassette. (Yes, that tape is that old)
All I've really wanted to do this winter is hibernate. It's been dark and cold and I have craved time at home to do nothing and everything -- but not spend a lot of time away from homing serving others.
What do other animals do while they hibernate? They lose muscle tone. The use up their stores. I've decided that's what I've been doing.
Ya know what? That's OK. I'm honoring an instinct.
But the days are getting shorter and more and more I'm finding myself wanting to take a walk and I do when I can.
Today I registered for a 10K in May. I like to have a goal and this will be a fun event.
It'simple things. Paying attention when my stomach tells me I'm full. Allowing myself to take a nap sometimes. Reading. Sewing. It's not that I'm shirking responsibilities. But I'm letting go of the, "You have to earn joy" thing. Been working on that for years.
But there's more to it than even all those things. Today I looked in the mirror. I looked haggard. Beat up. I didn't actually feel that way. I just looked like it.
So to honor my body today, I took a nice shower, I brushed my hair. I put a little bit of mascara on. Lip gloss. I put on clean clothes.
I'm not going to be on the cover of vogue, but I put on clothes that honored my body and my mood.
So again this month, I'll issue the challenge to you. How are you honoring yourself and your body today?
I spent January focusing doing something for me each day. It's been a good experience. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes, it's easy to forget I have needs when I'm so busy taking care of everyone else it seems.
I'm going to continue my "do something for myself" theme for the rest of the year, but I think I need to add a little something to it.
For February, I'm going to be more conscious of honoring myself and my body -- according to my needs -- not the messages from the media, my family and friends or anyone else.
This is something we learn about when going through eating disorder recovery. Truth be told, I'm not sure how much I actually embraced it.
I know, for a fact, I'm really good at denying it.
Example: There is a tape that plays in my head CONSTANTLY -- it's ED -- but I have a hard time deleting this tape. Each winter, it's harder to get out and be physically active -- especially since I've fallen a couple of times this winter and really hurt myself. So I tend to not so much gain weight, but fill out...
I easily allow EDs tape to play. Spending far too much time beating myself up for the plumpness.
So today I let it go. I hit "stop" on that tape player, took out the imaginary tape and jumped up and down on the cassette. (Yes, that tape is that old)
All I've really wanted to do this winter is hibernate. It's been dark and cold and I have craved time at home to do nothing and everything -- but not spend a lot of time away from homing serving others.
What do other animals do while they hibernate? They lose muscle tone. The use up their stores. I've decided that's what I've been doing.
Ya know what? That's OK. I'm honoring an instinct.
But the days are getting shorter and more and more I'm finding myself wanting to take a walk and I do when I can.
Today I registered for a 10K in May. I like to have a goal and this will be a fun event.
It'simple things. Paying attention when my stomach tells me I'm full. Allowing myself to take a nap sometimes. Reading. Sewing. It's not that I'm shirking responsibilities. But I'm letting go of the, "You have to earn joy" thing. Been working on that for years.
But there's more to it than even all those things. Today I looked in the mirror. I looked haggard. Beat up. I didn't actually feel that way. I just looked like it.
So to honor my body today, I took a nice shower, I brushed my hair. I put a little bit of mascara on. Lip gloss. I put on clean clothes.
I'm not going to be on the cover of vogue, but I put on clothes that honored my body and my mood.
So again this month, I'll issue the challenge to you. How are you honoring yourself and your body today?
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