Creative musing

"The glory of grace is that our lives are not filled with to do lists - just to be."
My friend Dyane posted this quote on her Facebook page this morning and I thought it was the perfect way to start off Lent. I doubt I'll make it to a Mass today -- but I'm not too worried about it. It's a time of thought and reflection and I can certainly say I have been and will be doing a lot of that -- with or without the smudge of ash on my forehead.
Last year, to celebrate Lent, I gave up Facebook. I did manage to accomplish more than usual, but I really missed my friends. This year, based on inspiration from my bestest pal Nancy, I'm opening my heart and soul to my creative energy. I'm ask God and the Universe to speak through my art -- writing, sewing, crafting, painting, photography.. I'll go anywhere the Spirit moves me.
My plan is to spend 2 hours a day working on something that feeds my creative soul. The first hour doing the activity-- the 2nd hour writing.
So, I started this Ash Wednesday. Now it's Thursday and only part of my plan came together yesterday. I did spend an hour working on a project, but constant interruptions kept me from writing more than a few minutes.
Oh well, we'll keep moving forward.
I've been putting more thought into my weight loss goals. And I've come to the conclusion -- yet again -- that I'm over thinking this. Remember a couple of summers ago when I just stopped thinking about it and just did the things that brought me joy? I made sure to stay active, but I put the weight loss behind me. Remember how it worked? I felt fabulous. That is until I had a relapse into the depression and eating disorder world that has been polluting me since. Anywhooo -- I think I'm just going to go back to that. The fake it til you make it -- remember?
I'm going back there. I've been thinking about checking myself into an eating disorder clinic. I'd really like to go because I'm so sick of this being an issue in my life. Done. But I'd have to be gone for a month. Away from my kids for a month. I know it would be great for me and by extension, my family. But a month? A month. I just don't know. I could probably handle two weeks. Four weeks?!
The thing is, I know I'm close to having this conquered. So very close. I've been close for years. I'm not sure about this...I know I can do this. But damn... a month away is a long, long time. I know I have the tools to make this happen without going to rehab -- but then I haven't managed to conquer yet for longer than 120 days. I keep saying that I want to be done with this -- so why don't I just... be done? I did it before. Couldn't I do it again?
I'm thinking if I focus more on creating and writing, the rest will come together. I tell people to focus on what they love and the rest will come -- shouldn't I follow my own advice?
I'll need you guys to still with me as I take this journey. If I focus on what I love for 40 days and still so the need to go to rehab, then I'll go. I'll need your help and support as always. I'll chronicle the journey here -- and we'll see if I can make it last a lifetime!
I'll post art pictures later this afternoon... Cheers.